Post Trauma Insecurity
I am writing this on behalf of all those who have experienced ongoing trauma or abuse between the ages of 0-18. As a result of parenting that was neglectful, physically, sexually and verbally abusive, this is for you. And since 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys experience abuse from an adult before the age of 18, then there are many of you who may be reading this that I can help. One possible reason for feeling insecure in adult relationships comes from poor adult-child attachment in early childhood.
If your parent did not attune to your feelings, how can you as an adult attune to yourself or others?
If your parent neglected to meet your basic physical needs, you may have difficulty relying on others emotionally and even trusting others or even your own self. When we are abused early on, it can create a maladaptive response in relationships and a heightened sensitivity to every move our partner makes.
For example, your partner tells you that they want to go out to dinner with their friends. If your reaction is extreme, you may be responding to not the real event but to the events that happened when you were young. This all happens outside of your conscious awareness. It is almost a knee-jerk reaction.
What to do?
1. Experiencing trauma or abuse as a child can rewire your brain and sensory system causing more intensive and maladaptive responses in relationships.Seeking help from a counselor can help you bring to the conscious awareness your pattern of reactions, tune you in to how you are feeling and help you build better responses in your relationships with others.
2. Find mindful activities. Mindful activities such as yoga, meditation, and walking can slow down the mind and intensity happening around you and carve out time to go inward and slow down your racing mind and give time to reflect. When you slow down, you can tune in to how you feel before you respond to others.
3. Self-care. Those who are abused can either neglect themselves or overly accommodate and care for others at the expense of themselves. Find small ways each day to nurture and care for yourself. Make a list of things you enjoy and start there.
These few steps can help you but especially seeking help from a counselor to address the deep-rooted issues from your childhood that play out every day in your adult life. Change takes time. Be loving, kind and patient with yourself. You deserve joy, love and happiness.